The Borrowers

Gabby Aggies

THE BORROWERS

MRS.P:

It’s a strange thing, Mabel, all this superstition in Ireland.  I would say I had no time for it, but I’d be afraid to do that.  You never know what might befall you if they got wind of you not believing in it all.

MABEL:

Isn’t that the truth?  I never walk under ladders, though for the life of me, I know not why.  The bad luck would be the falling of tools or paint on the top of the head I suppose.  That wouldn’t be pleasant. 

What do you mean by ‘they’, Mrs. P.  You said, “if “they” got wind of it?

MRS.P:

The little people…you know?…  those little scamps who make so much mischief.  The worst ones are the ‘borrowers’…  and when I first moved into the farmhouse, I set up a wee corner in a hole in the wall for them boys.  I put little matchstick chairs and a doll’s-house table there to appease them.  Do you think they were satisfied with that?  Not at all!

MABEL:

I’ve heard of these borrowers, so I have.  You would think they would be grateful for houseroom at all.  What did they do, Mrs. P?

MRS.P:

They ‘borrowed’ everything in sight, Mabel.  I’d set something down, turn my back for one minute, and when I went to pick it up again, it was gone.  I would hunt high and low, and it was not to be seen.  Then after all the hunting, I’d get back to the same place and there it would be, staring me straight in the face!  Imps, they are, these borrowers!  My life has been a misery and in the past few years they have become worse!

MABEL:

Maybe they don’t like their hole in the wall?  Maybe they want bigger space, Mrs. P.  Chances are, they have multiplied to be able to deal with all your stuff.  Sure, the more you have, the more they are likely to be tempted to take things away, eh?  Of course, on the rational side of things, maybe you have accumulated too much and as time takes its toll on your mind you forget where things are…  there’s a name for that.

MRS.P:

What are you inferring, Mabel?  That I am losing my marbles?  Let me tell you now that there is no-one saner than me.  It is true that I have acquired more stuff.  Wealth does that, you know!  And it is a bigger truth that more stuff gets lost and spirited away.  The problem I have with these wee fellows now is that they are borrowing and not giving things back again!

MABEL:

Sounds like an inside job to me, Mrs. P.  You have a thief in the house!  I’d be far more inclined to call a constable than appease the borrowers.  You don’t want to be encouraging them, you know.

MRS. P:

So, you think one of the borrowers is a thief, Mabel?  What on earth could I do about that?  It’s not as if they have their own law system.  They are a law onto themselves.

MABEL:

Forget the borrowers.  One of your workers is a thief, Mrs. P.  I would set a trap for them right away.  What kind of things are they stealing, do you know?

MRS.P:

Well, at first, I was misplacing ladles and spoons, that kind of thing…scissors were a favourite… oh, and keys…they LOVE keys.  But now, it has graduated to earrings and rings and things.  And one of them went into my private box and took a birth certificate the other day.  What on earth they would want with my birth certificate, I don’t know!

MABEL:

My goodness!  Mrs. P., this is an educated thief.  This borrower is of the human variety.  It is time to really set a trap now, and you will need a constable to help you, so you will.  It could be dangerous to confront the thief in the act without the law on your side.

MRS. P:

A constable will think I am mad if I chatter on about borrowers, Mabel.  But the whole thing has got out of hand now.

MABEL:

Do you think you are just misplacing stuff, Mrs. P?  Are you worried or fretting about anything in particular?  Maybe your mind is getting a little loose.  You need to be sure it’s a constable you need and not a doctor.  Maybe a Minister of the Church would say a few prayers and whatnot, to rid your house of any unwanted spirits.

MRS. P:

An exorcist?  Aw now, I wouldn’t want to go as far as that.  The borrowers in the house can find things too.  I wouldn’t want to be rid of them all.  I suppose the only way to really know is to set the trap… put something out that is a valuable trinket, then pretend to leave the house and sneak back in with a strong man… maybe a constable.  We can hide and wait.

MABEL:

That’s a good idea, Mrs. P., a very good idea.

MRS. P:

I’ve always been blessed with good ideas, Mabel.  It’s in the family, you know!  That’s why we have these strange attachments to the family … like borrowers always hanging on.  My father used to say: A successful man’s coattails are very long… he got it from Oscar Wilde or somebody.  And of course, as we improved our circumstances, so too did we get more of the hangers-on.  Trouble is that the borrowers multiply.

MABEL:

Mrs. P. you really must find the thief and put your mind at rest once and for all.  It is one thing to borrow.  It is quite another thing to steal.  And if even one little thing can be stolen, so can an even bigger thing.  Before you know it, they will have cleared the whole house.

MRS. P:

You’re right, Mabel.  I was just thinking that once they’re given houseroom at all, they take right over, don’t they?  Stuff superstition, I say, get rid of the lot of them!

MABEL:

Don’t send them round to me, Mrs. P.  I have little enough as it is!

MRS. P:

Count yourself lucky, Mabel.  What you don’t have, you’ll never miss.  The borrowers are not likely to be skulking around you and making problems, are they now?  And just look how they are plaguing me! 

MABEL:
That’s right too, Mrs. P. although I can’t help thinking I’m missing out on something here.  And I have plenty of holes in the wall too.  A whole city for the wee blighters.  Trouble is, nothing for them to borrow or steal!  Oh, well, one problem at a time.  I suggest you contact the law right away and let me know how it goes.

MRS. P:

I’ll be seeing you later, Mabel.  What a worry!  That’s the trouble, belief in superstition always gets us blaming the wee people first, or maybe it’s just that we don’t want to see what is staring us straight in the face, so it’s easier to blame the borrowers or our own feeble minds than face the truth.  I’m off to catch a thief, Mabel!  Thanks for the good advice.  See you later, love.

MABEL:

Bye, Mrs. P!

Gosh, that’s a ‘first.’  She actually thanked me for my good advice!  Wonders will never cease!

Dwina xx